Oh, to be young again.

Small Child: Are we going South?
Other Child: Yeah definitely South. Maybe.
Small Child: Good 'cos the Wicked Witch of the North doesn't live there. She lives in the North.
Other Child: Oh.
Small Child: The good witch lives in the South.
Other Child: Which way are we going?
Small Child: Well you're facing backwards, so you're going North.

- A train from London to Kent.

Irritating Father: CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW COMING THROUGH!
Irritating Offspring: *brandishing sword* I WANNA SEAT YARR YARRR.

- London Bridge to Orpington train.

- OVERHEARD BY ROSE AND SALLY.